Reason #7 – It’s Easy! It’s always easier to see what someone else is doing wrong than what you are doing wrong. At one level this is a simple as that it’s easier to see the food stuck in your partner’s teeth than your own. To see your own you would first need to [...]
Seven Good Reasons to Blame Your Partner (and Why None of Them Are Good Enough)
February 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment
From Self-Doubt to Self-Compassion
December 10, 2011 By Leave a Comment
I’ve been meaning to link these wonderful talks for some time and have finally gotten around to it. They are both from the superb website Dharmaseed, which offers literally thousands of free recordings of respected buddhist teachers. These are two of my favorites. The first is by Tara Brach (who is also a psychologist) about [...]
Pinker, Language, and the Decline of Violence
December 5, 2011 By Leave a Comment
A nice profile of Steven Pinker in the NYT: Pinker Profile. Among other things he discusses language and thought, and his new book on the surprising evolutionary decline of violence in human societies. Among other important messages for couples (and society) is working for peace rather than justice. And a video:
Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids
November 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment
For several years I have taught classes at a local parent resource center on this important topic. One of my clients just sent me a wonderful blog article that summarizes the crucial points quite concisely: Acknowledge. For those who want to explore this further (which I highly recommend!), essential reading for parents is How to [...]
Adam Phillips on Happiness and Frustration
November 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Adam Phillips is a deep and eloquent thinker. Here’s a fine little piece on the overvaluing of “happiness” over (for example) frustration:
The Anatomy of Disconnection (and More on Cycles)
September 7, 2011 By 1 Comment
Margarita has posted another article on Psych Central (When Conversations Go Wrong) based on an expansion of the cycles section from my blog entry Things I’ve Learned. The new article is an attempt to capture some of the fundamental categories of response that maintain negative cycles, and some ways to exit those cycles. One of [...]
Feedback Loops
July 12, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Interesting article on feedback loops in the July ’11 Wired magazine: Feedback Loops. Feedback loops are also how couples get stuck in negative cycles. These cycles are more complex than most of what’s talked about in the Wired article since there are two people feeding back to each other and often amplifying the very qualities [...]
