http://www.solutions4couples.com Couples Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Gay and Lesbian Relationship Counseling Sun, 06 Nov 2011 01:58:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 http://www.solutions4couples.com/different-kinds-of-couples-in-therapy/#comment-15 Dr. Solley Sun, 06 Nov 2011 01:58:15 +0000 http://www.solutions4couples.com/?p=328#comment-15 Thanks Larry - great points. Loss is always difficult, and as you describe, the many sources of loss multiply as we reach later aging. Thanks Larry – great points. Loss is always difficult, and as you describe, the many sources of loss multiply as we reach later aging.

]]> http://www.solutions4couples.com/different-kinds-of-couples-in-therapy/#comment-14 Larry Sat, 05 Nov 2011 19:25:34 +0000 http://www.solutions4couples.com/?p=328#comment-14 Dr. Solley, your three case examples are all of relatively young couples. We can expect a tsunami of older clients at your door as baby-boomer couples have their existential crises of retirement from life-defining work and careers, their loss of parents, other relatives, and friends to death and infirmity, their decline of biological functioning and social engagement, the growing independence and distance of their adult children, their changing appearance and vigor (though some of these changes come later rather than sooner for some, or are acknowledged later rather than sooner). As couples, the partners may find themselves drifting in different directions or coping in very different ways that may make them feel somewhat estranged, lonely, left behind, excluded, or threatened. Some of the losses are manageable, some are scary but benign, some are challenging to one's sense of balance and direction, and some are downright threatening to one's sense of cohesion and meaning of life. Dr. Solley, your three case examples are all of relatively young couples. We can expect a tsunami of older clients at your door as baby-boomer couples have their existential crises of retirement from life-defining work and careers, their loss of parents, other relatives, and friends to death and infirmity, their decline of biological functioning and social engagement, the growing independence and distance of their adult children, their changing appearance and vigor (though some of these changes come later rather than sooner for some, or are acknowledged later rather than sooner). As couples, the partners may find themselves drifting in different directions or coping in very different ways that may make them feel somewhat estranged, lonely, left behind, excluded, or threatened. Some of the losses are manageable, some are scary but benign, some are challenging to one’s sense of balance and direction, and some are downright threatening to one’s sense of cohesion and meaning of life.

]]> http://www.solutions4couples.com/the-anatomy-of-disconnection/#comment-13 Larry Sat, 05 Nov 2011 17:05:12 +0000 http://www.solutions4couples.com/?p=398#comment-13 Nice characterization of the essence of circular causality in systems theory, and how it applies to couples' arguments when each perceives or insists the other is wrong or the other started it. Good illustration of that circularity with the back-seat driver example. Nice characterization of the essence of circular causality in systems theory, and how it applies to couples’ arguments when each perceives or insists the other is wrong or the other started it. Good illustration of that circularity with the back-seat driver example.

]]> http://www.solutions4couples.com/shame-vulnerability/#comment-12 Larry Sat, 05 Nov 2011 16:01:15 +0000 http://www.solutions4couples.com/?p=359#comment-12 Paradox of a researcher wanting to be authentic by being herself, trying to let go of a scientist's purpose: "control and predict." Authenticity needed for connection, and connection is most fundamental emotional need. But authenticity leads to vulnerability, and vulnerability raises issues of shame. "Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen." "What makes me vulnerable makes me lovable." Paradox of a researcher wanting to be authentic by being herself, trying to let go of a scientist’s purpose: “control and predict.” Authenticity needed for connection, and connection is most fundamental emotional need. But authenticity leads to vulnerability, and vulnerability raises issues of shame. “Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen.” “What makes me vulnerable makes me lovable.”

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