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Holiday Stress: Recalculating

A nicely written little piece with an interesting idea for maintaining perspective at times of conflict: Recalculating.  Ms. Heffernan makes some intriguing points, including that technology can amplify our humanness as well as become a “triangulated third” in a couples dispute.  However, the part that really struck home for me was the idea of seeing different perspectives, or ways of doing things, more as differences than as divisions or personal attacks.  Of course with couples who are struggling these differences trigger neural networks of pain which makes it so much harder to de-personalize and not get caught up in a fight.  But it’s precisely at those times that it is especially important to try to reduce our reactivity and get a little more distance on our own patterns, which the GPS metaphor reminds us of nicely.  The map is not the territory!

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