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Books
As with the rest of this website I've tried to keep this list as concise as possible. These books are the among the cream of the crop in their respective areas. They are all readable, packed with insights and practical value, and based on solid research. Books are listed alphabetically so people can quickly find titles that I refer them to, but since it's a short list it's easy to browse as well.
Couples
- And Baby Makes Three
John Gottman, Ph.D.
Essential reading for new parents--I give it out to all my couples with babies or babies on the way. Also a good primer on Gottman's brilliant stuff for couples, but it's really aimed at the baby crowd.
- The Essential Difference
Simon Baron-Cohen, Ph.D.
A fascinating theoretical book about "systemizers" versus "empathizers." Of special interest to Asperger folks (systemizers that they tend to be), Baron-Cohen also cites lots of wonderful research and case studies on male/female differences. Included are some self-assessments for systemizing and empathizing.
- Focusing
Eugene Gendlin, Ph.D.
Focusing is a classic book about a method Gendlin developed years ago for tuning in to your feelings and working through emotions.
- Nonviolent Communication
Marshall Rosenberg
Don't be thrown off by the slightly odd title, which comes from Ghandi. I give this book out to many, if not most, of my couples. It's clear, easy to read, well organized, and describes a great way to minimize judgment and blaming, and get to the underlying feelings and needs that really matter. For most couples it would make a huge difference if they could thoroughly integrate just this one system into their communication.
- Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage
John Gottman, Ph.D.
Gottman has a slew of books (37 at last count!) on relationships and I don't think you could go wrong with any of them. Dan Siegel (listed above) has said that John Gottman should be designated as a national treasure. His research has created the foundation for a whole new understanding of relationships and what makes them work or not. And if you ever get a chance to hear Gottman speak in person, go!
Parenting
- 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.
A very useful and thorough introduction to positive discipline. The book describes how to understand typical behaviors and how to manage them, including natural consequences. The title refers to a specific technique of counting as a prelude to consequences that can be extremely effective if used properly.
- How to Handle a Hard-to-Handle Kid
C. Drew Edwards, Ph.D.
A good overview of some of the things that can make kids difficult, and lots of practical ideas about making life easier with and for them.
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Another classic, and a must-have for every parent. Essential empathic and emotional-attunement skills presented in a fun, easy format. If you take this to heart it can change your (and your child's!) life.
- Parenting From the Inside Out
Daniel Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.
This is a wonderful book on the same topics as the other parenting books here. It is a bit more theoretical if you are so inclined, and a little broader in scope. At the same time it is full of personal examples from the authors, very clearly written, and hones in on the essential building blocks for your child's self-esteem.
- Pick Up Your Socks...and Other Skills...
Elizabeth Crary, Pati Casebolt
A helpful book concerning responsiblities, chores, and similar issues with kids. Lots of excercises, tips, etc. Includes a useful chart of common household tasks and appropriate age ranges for each of them.
- The Primal Teen
Barbara Strauch
There are lots of good books on the topic of the teen brain and developmental changes during those years. This is a very readable one by the medical science and health editor of the New York Times. It gives a nice overview of some of the emerging thoughts and areas of research on this interesting subject. Good stuff for parents of teens to be aware of, and to have more compassion for why your teens may do the crazy things they do.
Websites
Couples
- The Couples Institute
Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson have been blazing trails in couples therapy for over 20 years, with some of the most creative and insightful ideas around. Among other things there are a number of super-informative, free articles which you can access through the Articles button at the top left of the page. One of these is the must-read "How to Get the Most from your Couples Therapy," which we often recommend to couples before their first sessions.
- Nonviolent Communication
This is a great primer on Nonviolent Communication which I teach to almost all the couples I see. If you're not the Dalai Lama chances are you could benefit from this process. You can also Google Nonviolent Communication to find Rosengerg's site and other articles.
- Romantic Tips
Many couples could benefit from a little more romance, and some guys are admittedly a bit clueless in this department. This is a fun site that can give you tips and ideas to seed the inner romantic in you.
Parenting
- Getzwell Pediatrics
Dr. Julia Getzelman and her staff are exactly the kind of people I would take my kids to: smart, warm, fresh, conscientious, and super-attentive. GetzWell Pediatrics is a primary care practice for kids offering an integrative approach to health care including nutrition, functional medicine, and developmental psychology. Their limited practice size and open access arrangement ensure that you and your child get the time you need, when you need it.
- Natural Resources
If you're a mom (or a dad!) in Noe Valley you probably know about this fabulous pregnancy, childbirth and early parenting resource center. One stop shopping for classes, doulas and links to all kinds of services for parents.
- Rookiemoms
A fun and useful site based on a book of hundreds of activities to engage in with your little ones. Started by the cool two moms who wrote the book.
- Sleepy Family
Sleepy Family is a wonderful resource for Bay Area parents needing support (and who doesn't!) for sleep issues with new babies. Founded by respected doulas and educators Sara Cohen and Tara Geer, Sleepy Family is a collective of experienced professionals. They address critical sleep matters--both for infants, and importantly for you the parents--which can have profound influences on family health and mental health.
Resilience
- Robert Brooks
A list of articles by one of the pioneers of the relatively new field of "positive psychology" and the characteristics that enable people to be "stress hardy" and be successful.
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