Connection, Shame & Vulnerability
This is a wonderful TED talk by Brene Brown that I think everyone should see (maybe more than once!):
Speak Your Mind
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Meet Psychologist Dr. Solley
Dr. Robert Solley is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in neuropsychology and couples therapy in San Francisco. Earning his PhD from the California School of Professional Psychology in Berkeley, Dr. Solley has been licensed for over 20 years. He has trained and worked in such diverse settings as Children's Hospital in Oakland, California-Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco, and is a Staff Therapist with the Couples Institute in Menlo Park. Dr. Solley has taught masters and doctoral students as an adjunct faculty member at Alliant University, The Wright Institute, and the University of San Francisco. Currently he sees 15-20 couples a week (as well as some individuals) in his private practice in the Noe Valley neighborhood of San Francisco.
Helpful insights on vulnerability and its relationship to control, blaming others to avoid blaming self, having the courage to be imperfect, risking “connection,” which is the most fundamental emotional need. “Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen,” but by whom? Those closest, and/or those farthest away?
Paradox of a researcher wanting to be authentic by being herself, trying to let go of a scientist’s purpose: “control and predict.” Authenticity needed for connection, and connection is most fundamental emotional need. But authenticity leads to vulnerability, and vulnerability raises issues of shame. “Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen.” “What makes me vulnerable makes me lovable.”