Noe Valley Couples Therapist - Counselor

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Low- or No-Sex Relationships (Video)

This is all familiar ground for experienced couples therapists, but Michelle Weiner-Davis puts it all together very nicely in this TED talk.  Notice especially the examples of how the conversation can go wrong vs. how it can go right, and the potential reversal of desire and arousal.

A Couples Therapist at the Movies – “Her”

 Spoiler alert: this may not be much of a review, and could negatively affect your impression of the movie “Her” if you have not yet seen it. And there are actually some spoilers. This article is probably better read after having seen the movie. or perhaps if you do not plan to see it at […]

Part 2 of Understanding Men

Recently published on Psyched in SF:  Understanding Men, Part 2:  The influence of male values on our society, and how to create an atmosphere in relationships with male-minded people that encourages empathy and emotional connection.

Hazards of Commuting

Without reading the original studies, I’d take the quantitative claims of these recent findings with a grain of salt, but it’s not much of a stretch to imagine that long commutes are generally stressful on relationships.  I would agree there are a variety of stress factors.  High on my list would be time and energy away […]

Lewis CK On Kids, Texting, and Feelings (Video)

He nails it on so many fronts:

Understanding Men Part 1

Here’s a new article for Psyched In SF: Understanding Men, Part 1 I’m going to be writing more now for other sources, so you may be seeing more links here to those places (rather than the text of the article itself). And in a similar vein came across this which totally fits: About Men From […]

Connected Yet Alone – How Social Media Corrode Relationship

One of my favorite quotes (from Pete Pearson) is that good communication is an unnatural act.  And unfortunately, as I have to remind my couples all the time, technology is conspiring with our instincts for connection, but at the cost of disconnection from the person in front of us.  Texting, email and other social media […]

Creativity and Freedom From Choice (Video)

Here’s an interesting pairing of TED talks (if I do say so!). First, finding inspiration in limitation, and then what seems like the opposite: the overwhelm of choice in modern society. However, they come together in an interesting way when you think about their applicability to relationships. Imagine partners–instead of comparing their partners and relationships […]

What makes people feel close?

 I love it when my clients ask a great question. In years of doing couples work nobody has asked me that directly…until a few weeks ago. Of course there have been variations like “How can we feel closer?,” or the sad antithesis: “How did things get so bad?,” or the common: “Why do we just […]

Right & Wrong Cont’d: Apologies and Emergencies

I wrote previously about how right/wrong thinking can be problematic in relationships.  I’d like to expand that today in two common (and usually quite different!) areas: apologies and emergencies. When Apologies Are Hard Often in my sessions with couples there will come a point where an apology is needed.  Sometimes one partner will ask for […]

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Top 10 psychologists in San Francisco, CA 2015

Congratulations to Robert Solley PhD for winning the 2015 Patients' Choice Awards in San Francisco Psychologist