Blog
Feedback Loops
Interesting article on feedback loops in the July ’11 Wired magazine: Feedback Loops. Feedback loops are also how couples get stuck in negative cycles. These cycles are more complex than most of what’s talked about in the Wired article since there are two people feeding back to each other and often amplifying the very qualities [...]
Happy – The Movie
I previously recommended the movie “I AM,” by Tom Shadyac. This is another movie, executive produced by him, which is a good exploration of the current research on happiness with some beautiful vignettes of people living happily in the simplest conditions. Happiness does not come from what many people believe. If you don’t see the [...]
What I’ve Learned About Relationships
Margarita Tartakovsky, working on a new article for PsychCentral.com, provided a wonderful prompt that gave me an excuse to condense the essence of my current thinking about couples and relationships. Here it is! 1. Relationships are complicated. Let’s start with one human brain: one of the most complex structures that we know of in the [...]
Connection, Shame & Vulnerability
This is a wonderful TED talk by Brene Brown that I think everyone should see (maybe more than once!):
Goal Setting
Here’s a great article from the Harvard Business Review on goal setting: HBR Success. People often don’t realize the important steps involved in setting and achieving goals. Goal setting can be especially tricky in therapy, as some goals are easier than others, some may not be realistic at all, and many need to be broken [...]
Negativity Bias and Appreciations
Listening to a lecture by Rick Hansen, Ph.D., author of the book “Buddha’s Brain,” reminded me of an important aspect of how couples get stuck in negative cycles. In significant ways our brains are evolutionarily designed to prioritize learning about and responding to threats over rewards. The way Rick expressed it, survival-wise you can go [...]
“Little” Irritations
Another nicely put together article on Psych Central: Hints for Resolving Relationship Irritations.
Different Kinds of Couples In Therapy
A Sampling Every couple is unique, and I love working with all kinds of relationships. Obviously the richness and complexity of couples therapy exceeds what can be expressed on a web page. The following vignettes are but a few of the wide variety of situations I see, but they should give you an idea of [...]
I AM
I can’t remember having ever done this before, but I’m going to shamelessly proselytize a movie that I saw last week. It’s called “I Am” (*not* “I am Four” which is entirely different!). We also had a chance to meet and hang out with the filmmaker, Tom Shadyac as well, which was really fun. You [...]
How to Find a Couples Therapist
Couples Therapy is Different While there is certainly some overlap between individual and couples therapy, the latter is really a different animal. (By the way, couples therapy, couples counseling, and marriage counseling are virtually interchangeable terms.) Individuals coming into therapy generally have some degree of motivation to work on themselves. Partners coming into couples therapy [...]
Meet Psychologist Dr. Solley
Dr. Robert Solley is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in neuropsychology and couples therapy in San Francisco. Earning his PhD from the California School of Professional Psychology in Berkeley, Dr. Solley has been licensed for nearly 20 years. He has trained and worked in such diverse settings as Children's Hospital in Oakland, California-Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco, and is a Staff Therapist with the Couples Institute in Menlo Park. Dr. Solley has taught doctoral students as an adjunct faculty member at CSPP and at the Wright Institute. Dr. Solley presents widely around the San Francisco Bay Area on these and other topics. Currently he sees 15-20 couples a week in his private practice in the Noe Valley area of San Francisco.