Noe Valley Couples Therapist - Counselor

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Roundup of My Recent Medium Articles

I’ve been writing quite a bit on Medium.  Here are some fairly recent popular articles (Medium calls them “stories”): Your Primary Relationship is Your Primary Relationship Trust vs. Threat Your Relationship is an Ecosystem If you search for my name on Medium you can find others. Thanks for reading!

Your Brain on Threat: Demands and Expectations

On Medium:  Your Brain on Threat.

10 Life Enhancing Things To Do At A Stoplight

My post in Psyched Magazine: 10 Stoplight Things

Low- or No-Sex Relationships (Video)

This is all familiar ground for experienced couples therapists, but Michelle Weiner-Davis puts it all together very nicely in this TED talk.  Notice especially the examples of how the conversation can go wrong vs. how it can go right, and the potential reversal of desire and arousal.

Part 2 of Understanding Men

Recently published on Psyched in SF:  Understanding Men, Part 2:  The influence of male values on our society, and how to create an atmosphere in relationships with male-minded people that encourages empathy and emotional connection.

Understanding Men Part 1

Here’s a new article for Psyched In SF: Understanding Men, Part 1 I’m going to be writing more now for other sources, so you may be seeing more links here to those places (rather than the text of the article itself). And in a similar vein came across this which totally fits: About Men From […]

Connected Yet Alone – How Social Media Corrode Relationship

One of my favorite quotes (from Pete Pearson) is that good communication is an unnatural act.  And unfortunately, as I have to remind my couples all the time, technology is conspiring with our instincts for connection, but at the cost of disconnection from the person in front of us.  Texting, email and other social media […]

What makes people feel close?

 I love it when my clients ask a great question. In years of doing couples work nobody has asked me that directly…until a few weeks ago. Of course there have been variations like “How can we feel closer?,” or the sad antithesis: “How did things get so bad?,” or the common: “Why do we just […]

What’s Wrong With Right or Wrong

The Ambiguity of Language Partly because people who get more caught up in right and wrong tend to be engineers, accountants, lawyers, and others whose work is fairly “rule governed,” in this article I’m going to lean towards the technical side for some of my analogies and comparisons. Language is often more imprecise than we […]

Which (Not Who!) Comes First?

Sex and Emotional Intimacy It is often said that in heterosexual couples women get turned on by emotional intimacy while men access their emotional intimacy through sex. Of course there are exceptions, but for the most part this generalization holds true in my experience. What is the basis for this? Boys and Girls About 30 […]

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Top 10 psychologists in San Francisco, CA 2015

Congratulations to Robert Solley PhD for winning the 2015 Patients' Choice Awards in San Francisco Psychologist